Central Bank translation service

Thanks to Mike the UK Nordic Analyst (whatever one of those is) over at IceNews for providing this translation of the main points from the speech of Central Bank Governor Svein Harald Øygard last Friday. It made me laugh out load, so I thought I'd share it with my readership (hi Mum!)

He said
“All efforts should be made to avoid further socialisation of private sector debt”

Which means
“If you think that the Central Bank and Government are going to help you Icelanders pay back, reschedule or even write off, your mortgages, indexed car loans or corporate debts … well you can forget it! We’ve got enough on our plate already with depositor guarantee schemes and ISK bonds due.”

He said
“The negotiation processes in the financial sector and the restructuring and recapitalisation of the banks must therefore be pursued according to plan.”

Which means
“Plan!! Plan? We’re just blundering along being told what to do. As for restructuring the banks it looks as if they will need to come to terms with their creditors. Who cares about the division between “new” and “old” banks? Our foreign bondholders certainly don’t. Let’s hope for the best!”

He said
“As part of this, the foreign exchange exposure and indexed loan exposure of the new banks must be addressed.”

Which means
“I have no idea how the banks are going to pay back their debts, especially those that need to be paid back in foreign currencies! But hell, it’s not my problem – it’s the banks!”

He said
“With declining domestic demand, there will be resources available to service the country’s accumulated debt.”

Which means
“All income from our productive output will be used to pay our foreigner creditors. So frankly we’re not going to have anything to spend on ourselves. Domestic demand? Don’t make me laugh! Bread and water if you’re lucky!”

He said
“The Central Bank also reviews selected measures that may allow the most impatient investors locked in by the capital controls to convert their holdings of ISK, in a way that does maintain the currency reserves of the Bank.”

Which means
“Impatient investors? Why are they impatient? Because their bonds have matured and they want their money back – NOW! If we did pay them it would wipe out our currency reserves. Does anyone have any ideas?”

He said
“Negotiations for bilateral loans, other negotiation processes, and the IMF review should be completed shortly.”

Which means
”The IMF et al are holding back the latest tranche. We need money. We’re descending into poverty. HELP!”